The Sugar Bar

It’s time – time for making new year’s resolutions. I haven’t made any lists or any resolutions (officially) for a while now. If I had, they were just kinda a rough ideas formed -sorta- in my head, or a mish-mash of old and new resolutions, easily forgotten, easily dismembered into something else completely. Not much substance, not much thought given to it, not much of an effort really.

Now someone tell me that’s so lazy?

2009 was one of the best years. The middle of it marked the end of my (and a fairly successful one at that) undergrad life, witnessed the most amazing graduation and grad ball, a little romance, crazy Spain holiday, sophisticated Parisian trip, lots of sun and the best tan I’ve ever in my entire 22 years achieved, a little heartache, lots of eating and birthday fun, etc. So much happened, and oh blimey! Lady Gaga was born; so much was learnt I can barely attempt to describe what I got out of the year, the crazy antics that occurred, the jokes that were told, the food that was cooked.

Everyone’s a little more mature, or more mad, more enthusiastic, a little more on their way to achieving their goals. Although it’s sad to turn around and look at your past selves, the ghosts of you, I can safely say I regret none of the things that I’ve experienced or done. The years and the selves that make you YOU are all bits of you. 2010 may mean I shall look back to see a younger Diva fussing and fiddling about to find her way; and sometimes the past self is just a little bit unrecognizable or embarrassing to acknowledge. Nonetheless, I am accepting all the ghosts of me and taking them with me in the back of my mind and heart to welcome 2010.

And with that, here are just some things I noted down as reminder to myself ~ 9 resolutions. A bit much? Nah. They ain’t too tedious so they’re all a bit of fun anyway. What about you, any resolutions for the coming new year? I’m sure you’ve got some. Now don’t be lazy and whip out your list!

2010 Resolutions
1. Learn to start brushing my hair. Beach frizz, bedhead, volumatic poofs are great but surely it wouldn’t hurt me to have a little sleekness next year?

2. Make more of an effort -the motto for all things: with keeping in touch with old friends, with cooking, with work, with my writing, etc.

3. As much as the big city sometimes upsets me, attempt to get to know London a lot better. I’ll start by eating through this city of smoke (and also shopping through its great vintage finds). And oh yea, don’t forget to take my camera out with me even if it’s for a little stroll. It’s the new fashion statement, hung around your neck or held between two icy cold bare hands.

4. Look after my health and fight off dehydration. Water’s your best friend and your only friend sometimes.

5. Promote optimism – I’m not mad and even if I am, it’s a good mad – it’s creativity. She says.

6. This is totally cringe-worthy and virtually everyone I know, when asked to write a list of new year’s resolutions, bangs this one out. Time management. You just gotta say it. Every year I’m fighting against time as I take on more things to do, as I refine my goals and dreams, this bugger’s gonna be stuck to me and to my list for years to come.

7. Visit more food markets; actually, no. VISIT FOOD MARKETS. I haven’t done any of that ever since I moved to London. Too busy for fresh food shopping, too tired to cook anything fresh. It’s a horrid lifestyle. Totally gotta change that.

8. Shop smart for train tickets. Book in advance (way in advance if I can) or use megatrain to get regular Virgin train tickets for embarrassingly cheap tickets.

9. Get more involved in recyclable fashion and chuck less stuff out. I’m getting used to scoring at vintage shops, Oxfam and ripping and re-tying old things for a new look. It’s fun and stops my brain going belly-up from too much academia.

•••

Serious stuff done, let me share some food eye candy with you.

Napolean Tea & Caramel macaron, Moroccan Mint Tea macaron; Sakura Sakura! Tea, Jade Blossom Tea at TWG Salon, ION @ Singapore

The Christmas holiday was well spent and our Christmas roast (prepared, executed and served by moi with some help from the sisters; grocery shopping was team effort with Mum; turkey carving was left to Daddee) a true 2009 success, topping all our other roasts from previous years. I think when Mum’s eyes lit up from the moistness of the turkey, I achieved my first shining Mama-chelin star. So chuffed.

Unfortunately, not many photographs were taken this time round. My camera battery was low and wallybrain me had decided to leave it in my flat – who does that?! But it was glorious and there couldn’t have been a better way to spend Christmas family time. At TWG Tea Salon, we didn’t take much either as we were literally quivering with fear as we’d heard rumours about a no-photography policy. When we did gather our courage to whip out the cameras, no one stopped us. The waiting staff were pretty helpful, offering to take photos of us too which was great! Shame we didn’t get to document our tiers of cakes, patisseries, macarons and finger sandwiches. They were as beautiful as they tasted.

I admit that I was a bit of a hermit, staying in and working furiously like Silas Marner at my essays. I’ve yet to complete the last one which has been a pain in the ass for a real long time but I’m pressing on. Nonetheless, having work to do over the holiday (a real bummer) has taken up loads of my time to meet up with old friends for coffee/catch-ups. A shame I know but I did manage to squeeze a little tea session with the best girl at TWG Tea Salon, movie with the sisters and a lovely lunch with the family.

Mitsu Bay Scallops, Lotus, Chicken, Grated Radish, Shiso Leaves and an Ume Sauce at Ootoya

The weather’s been pretty mild here. I was a little worried about getting totally roasted to death but somehow, the weather’s been so good – cool, not as humid as expected, with a little sun and wind. Not that the weather makes any difference on my sugar/sweet/desserts cravings! And there’s evidence that these cravings were satisfied…

Going out without my camera felt a little odd but knowing that my sister had her Canon D-SLR with her was thoroughly exhilarating. For the first time, I properly held on in my hands and fiddled about with the manual settings and focus. I ain’t good at it (I hope I can say ‘yet’). But it felt amazing. There was like a charge in the atmosphere when I picked it up – not that my own little Powershot G10 isn’t loved but having my eye up to the camera, as though it was some mad extension of my dessert-hungry face, was pretty cool.

Maybe now I’m one of those cool kids with the d-slr and who traipse about knowing they’re all cool and shit with their cameras? Damn ‘em. I’m envious. Oh well, Powershot G10, you’re stuck with me for a long while now. And you’ve never let me down so I’m not unhappy about that. It was just wicked to feel a d-slr in my hands. Kinda like being taken up in a helicopter over a big city by some fancy rich guy ~ something I dream about but don’t really need at the end of the day.

Beautiful Matcha Mousse, Shirotama, Adzuki and Vanilla Ice Cream

I was whipped. The mousse was so matcha-ey with enough bitterness to send me flying. This is one dessert I’ll come back for.

Matcha Parfait – what a classic! – concoction of brown sugar syrup, custard, sponge cake, whipped cream, adzuki, matcha ice cream, what else? mmmm…all good.

The parfait was delicious! I loved the brown sugar syrup at the bottom of the glass. Not a tall glass, so not much to consume but just enough to make you wish you wanted more although you’re totally full up.

My time at home included loads more desserts like kakigori, homemade carrot cake, cookies, biscuits, chocolates, etc. It was a sweet Christmas. And a lovely way to end 2009.

Now, hello 2010. I’m confident that there’s more good sweet things to come. And the next time you hear from me, I’ll be back in London with twice the cravings and hopefully zero jet lag.

I promised a big red velvet feature after a previous Cupcake von Tease post. And I had meant for this feature to be quite a big one but the week’s kinda got a little busier, a little more hectic with deadlines and other exciting posts that clamoured to the top and pushed this red velvet feature down to the bottom.

And when a friend and I finally made it to the bakery – we trekked all across London just for these babies, it was a horribly dreary, wet, windy day and our cupcakes and cakes nearly got squished and ruined on the journey back. We would’ve liked to sit in and enjoy these, savour the glorious moment but the Portobello shop isn’t as big as the one in Kensington. Expect to be trampled upon by other cupcake fanatics and tourists visiting the area. It ain’t very pleasant but I’m not complaining now that I have red velvet in the fridge, good for a few days of sugar cravings and cream cheese daydreams.

The red velvet once again didn’t let me down. It’s still pretty much one of the best I’ve tasted – the frosting is great but I particularly love the cake bit as it’s hard to get this taste right!

•••

So what’s this about Diva Talks?

Some of you may have noticed that my blog’s gradually changing and I’m talking a little more about myself. I’ve tried to give the blog more of a personality. It’s less about just putting up recipes that I’ve experimented with or tried. And as I now have no oven to work with, I’m venturing more into the cooking arena and will be, I hope with much diligence, attempting sweets and chocolates those sorta things that have no need for a convection oven. I’m more of a baker than a cook – I think being a little OCD means using the right measurements down to 1/4 tsp gives me a great sense of security and achievement at the same time unlike the free-and-easy ways of general cooking. But that means I get to have more fun this year. So bear with me, those who know that my blog prefers to experiment more with the sweet rather than savoury – hence the name: The Sugar Bar.

Nevertheless, that’s not really what I’ve been wanting to share. The past summer went by quite painfully for me. I’m not one to really talk about personal issues publicly (nor with anyone else really except with my very close girlfriends) but I went through a heartbreak that totally caught me by surprise. I mean boy, it was tough. Like the boys I meet, they can never bring themselves to spit out what exactly they’re thinking so I took hold of the reigns, grabbed him by his balls and said it like it was. They always say that women are stronger but I find sometimes that’s a real contentious thought. I think we’re just cleverer and to-the-point when needs be. So I broke it off. But somehow it felt worse that I’d done it because that wasn’t what I wanted. It was something he couldn’t deal with because he was afraid and wanted to crawl back into his shell and find comfort in his own little hole. Fair enough. I liked him enough, adored him to pieces in fact, to let him go. Said ‘goodbye and go’. Cried myself to sleep. Woke up the next day and continued to pretend like it hadn’t affected me at all.

We parted ways. And the friendship now is pretty shaky I believe. Give it time and I know things will be alright. But a couple of months before now, and when I first returned to England to settle down in my new pad in London, you can imagine how dead I was inside. Everything about London screamed at me : you were meant to be here with him, enjoying your favourite season of the year, watching spring turn to fall and anticipating an amazing Christmas together. Obviously, that was me being sulky and I had a hard time trying to enjoy myself here. Although I did in time to come. And believe me, I really do now! I didn’t really let it out of me proper. Even when I met up with him to get my stuff back, I couldn’t sob about it like I wanted to and that’s just me I know.

At the bus station, we said goodbye with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. But the whole 30 minutes that I saw him, I knew every second was just a second I wanted to disappear. Although disappearing wouldn’t have made anything better, or made any difference to the status quo, it was just that – it wouldn’t matter, as he was treating me like our relationship had never existed. Non-acknowledgement of my existence in his life. And that was the most cruel stab I could endure I believe. No one has ever done that to me before. Even the term ‘friendship’ suddenly became a joke to me. Our friendship, our great banter, the laughs and cheeky grins in that 30 minutes reminded me of the real stuff we used to have before the shit hit the ceiling and now it was all quite ridiculous. Like a charade, like something we had to perform.

It’s taken a while and a good, a real good, let-it-all-out cry at my bestfriend’s for me to realize I hadn’t really let go, or gotten over it as I’d kid myself into believing. And now, even though I’m still hurting, I feel like I can dust off my bum, smudge some rouge on my cheeks and offer a fresh face to the world. I can brave it out there again.

And why this has anything at all to do with my foodblog and hence, gain a right to be on this page at all, is because I was finding it hard to write like I normally did. I used to sing (pretend) I was a rockstar in my bedroom. I did it regularly for a laugh and because I really enjoyed it. I used to write all the time, because I found a great pleasure in giving birth to my little literary works. But the summer killed me a little and I found no inspiration for anything. It was like someone pulled the carpet from beneath me and put the stops to everything. Nothing came from me, I offered nothing to the world. Part of me felt like I had to completely deny myself of the normal outlets of release, of anything I took joy in. And it seemed part of me wanted to deny myself food which was a truly bad way of attempting to take control of one’s life. I went shopping, I indulged and milked my heartbreak for whatever it was worth. Even fashion and the usual quirky photography I took so much joy in couldn’t fire me up. Couldn’t feel satisfied, however much I tried. But I remembered my blog and it gave me a breather, a different avenue to unleash.

The girls on Twitter who I met and started to communicate with on a daily basis made it a lot easier as well. And getting to know fellow so Spiffy, whom I adore for her courage and ballsy attitude, told me to pull my socks up, get a grip and snap out of this dream-state that was slowly eating me away and robbing me of my usual creativity and vivaciousness. The girls, whom I call the Twitter Breakfast Club, were chirpy and lively every morning. They chatted about anything and everything – from food, to shoes, to love handles, to children, to being happy. And before I knew it, I started to realize I was looking forward to getting up in the mornings. My wake-up alarm got shifted from a disgusting 10.30am to an 8am just so I could get a quick chat in with the girls. They’re mothers (and fathers, don’t worry I haven’t forgotten you boys!)and a little older than me, but wiser and still as cool and quick as a whiplash. How could I not enjoy the wicked banter and intellectual conversations I have with them? I’ll be meeting some of them at the first ever UK Food Blogger Connect conference and I’m so excited about it! We’ll be sure to have such fun.

The close few girls I keep in touch with, if anything, have un-deadified me. They inspire me and always make me feel like I had so much to offer. A lot of love shared on Twitter.

And so yes, I have taken a step out of my coffin and found my mojo back.

These girls are amazing and so Spiffy is like my light at the end of the tunnel. My bestfriends from uni have also been real troopers listening to me rant, offering me a shoulder to cry on and giving me time to deal with things. I don’t like talking about it but now that I’ve changed my phone to leave the past in the old, I now find that this post must be something I have to do to wash it all away. I don’t need to start again as I love everything of my past and everything that has happen. God plans it all according to his greater plan and I do not regret nor hold grudges against anyone for anything. I am just thankful that I have now opened my eyes and said goodbye to some unhappiness at least.

I have always been thought of as the strongest girl out of the lot. The half-girl half-boy for being so nonchalant and a little cold, if you dare. But I know I’m not. If anything I’m the fieriest of the lot because I have passion that’s brimming (a little too hot to handle, LOL) and I have to hold that back a little so I don’t go mental. And I can now feel that passion in me again. I’ve started writing and I’ve definitely found it in me to start singing and screeching like a mad git in my own bedroom to AC/DC, Lady Gaga, System of a Down, Stereophonics, etc. Booyah. I’m back.

And I intend to make sure everyone knows it. Even if he can’t see me, that’s fine. We got to take charge of our own lives and get up when we fall down. Blame no one for your mistakes, for your upsetting times, and definitely not for your broken hearts. Grab the reigns of your life, look the bull in the eye, get ballsy and face the music. Get mending.

Oh yea.

Cupcakes healed me too.

So I’m simply blobbing in my bedroom, with the telly on mute, sat in a black hoodie (with the hood up? Yea..what a chav)and my pyjamas working on this not-so-mammoth-but-very-tedious essay of mine, wondering why the heck I’m having latenight cravings yet again. I’m worrying about tomorrow’s Lady Gaga/Mad Hatter outfit and fitting into my dress without having everyone wonder why the hell I even bothered if I was going to show off that amazing bloated belly of mine. Wow, what a circus freak, they’ll say. And then I’ve got this mug next to me steaming hot. But it’s not even hot chocolate or something mildly comforting like a cuppa tea. It’s Lemsip Max in lemon. It smells like washing up liquid and tastes rancid. So generally my evening’s been going great. I’m distracted by Twitter, constantly checking for emails on my Blackberry, attempting to tame my cravings and generally being a real unsatisfied poo.

What happens next?

An angel of a friend comes knocking at my door offering me 2 red velvets from Lola’s Cupcakes. I mean, hello, someone up there was definitely listening to my hunger pangs and I’m so lucky! The latenight calories can totally shove it because I definitely wasn’t having any of the post-cupcake guilt and just ate one of the glorious red chocolatey deliciousness anyway. The cupcakes were a little banged up and some of the cream cheese icing had smeared down the sides of the box but I wasn’t complaining. I was close to tears when darling Sya brought it to my door. That girl’s a legend. If she didn’t already have a boyfriend, I’d lock her up in my (oh crap, I don’t have a basement or a cellar in this apartment) in my toilet? Or somewhere and keep her all to myself. She could be my cupcake slave for the rest of my life. And also partner in crime since we both lust for red velvets every other day.

Cupcake consumed – I literally breathed it down me in like 30 seconds flat…yea, was that ravenous – I am feeling a lot chipper now. How is that a tiny thing can make one so happy and send one through the roof? I am literally not even the tiniest bit frustrated or irritated. Fab isn’t it? If laughter can’t cure, cupcakes sure do! At least for me (and really, not medically yea?).

Many of you might remember that Cupcake von Tease red velvet teaser I posted couple of weeks ago and apologies for not having done the main Hummingbird Bakery feature yet. This week’s been manic with work and falling ill hasn’t been a good thing. This weekend, we’re having a night of mayhem in Reading since it’s the bestie’s birthday/halloween party so I couldn’t seem to fit the Hummingbird feature into my schedule either but have no fear. It’ll be up soon by hook or by crook! But I’m very pleased this nice surprise courtesy of Sya has led me to yet another post about red velvs. And if you don’t mind it at all, I shall now proceed to review these lovely cupcakes that melted my heart and washed away all my previous bitchiness and general annoyance with myself and with the rest of the world. And boy, I thought I’d left all that teenage angst behind.

These cupcakes come with a little warning on the box. FRAGILE it says and yes you better take Lola’s word for it. Lola’s is notorious for their fluffy, just-out-of-the-oven type cupcake texture. And boy, they do have it down to a tee. But be careful as they’ve made it so fluffy that these cupcakes are terribly fragile, and will crumble and fall apart in your hands. If you break it apart with your fingers or try to pinch a little bit away, it’s like pulling away a bouncy bit of cotton candy. A weird analogy but you’ll know what I mean when you try it. There’s a bounce to its fluffiness which makes it such a delight to eat. But it’s also quite a mess to eat so there’s no pretty way about it. The cream cheese frosting is divine. There’s not a lot of it but it’s not too sweet so I found it a great balance between a generous cupcake portion and icing. Somehow, I thought Lola’s icing was a lot better than Hummingbird’s which was loads sweeter even though they were more generous with the icing. Lola’s cupcakes come with little coloured rings to distinguish between the flavours. And yes, the red velvet’s ring is a red one. Who would’ve guessed?! The cupcake itself was rather huge but it’s so airy and light you don’t feel like you just ate a cow after. And part of the reason for that, I guess would be the smaller portion of icing as well which is a clever bit on Lola’s part. However, I did find the cupcake to be less ‘wow’-ing than Hummingbird’s as it didn’t have that much of a strong flavour or chocolateyness. It’s a lot milder and delicate. I’m not saying it’s not as good. I think both cupcakes are equally good and have their strong points but if you prefer cupcakes that are light on the palate and leave you just perfectly satisfied, Lola’s red velv is it! On another day when I prefer a power-packed Power Ranger type of red velv, I’ll most likely be hitting Hummingbird for it as they’re tiny babies sure pack a punch. Just note that the Hummingbird is also a lot more voluptuous in that it’s quite moist and  holds together well. Lola’s red velv is so light, crumbly it may seem a little dry.

Lola’s definitely got the balance of things just spot on. And being a Libra and all, I find that balance positively brilliant. It’s half past 11 here which means 30 mins to midnight and to Halloween. Oooooh. I’m all excited to get spooked tomorrow evening. So whilst you guys ogle and drool over these surprise cupcakes I was so blessed with, I’m going to bed fat and happy in anticipation of an amazing day tomorrow.

Sending you lot my love…happy halloween!